stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Please don't give away my fajitas
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
