So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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