how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
