Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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