matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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