this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
