On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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