mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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