Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
