some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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