remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I met the friendliest cop last night
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
