So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
