I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
