I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
