i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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