It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
