I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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