Have you finally orgasmed yet?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
