your parents love me but you hate me
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
How external is "for external use only"?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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