I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
