a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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