Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
