She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
