i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
