Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
