shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
