just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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