you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
