five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
