we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Cover your peen. We're going out.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
