hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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