i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
