just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
