I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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