His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
