The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
