you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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