Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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