the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
