me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
