So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
