dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
