remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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