Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
