so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
