smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
My balls are so social today.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
