wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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