Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
