I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
