I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
