Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
