I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
