New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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