My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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