Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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