At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
