why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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