saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
