Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Randomize
