She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
